Not a day goes by that I don’t have some sense of regret regarding my basketball or sports career in general. Though I was given a great father who pushed me in every sense of the word and one who put me in every league he could afford I still feel like I fell short and that haunts me. I was one of those kids who worked very hard at the game of basketball and I gave it a lot but i could’ve given it more. I regret not being the leader I should’ve been. I regret not getting to a state championship game. I regret not working harder on my defensive abilities because I never truly learned to play the game hard the entire time. I was good enough to coast a lot of the time and then when i wasn’t good enough to coast anymore I realized that I never trained myself to play the game hard all the time.

When I watch high division I college basketball players I am reminded of what might have been for myself and really what should have been. I still envision myself on the court and being able to play the game at a high level. I used to tell my father that I had the ability to turn on and off aggressiveness but I never did. The things that you can get by with when you are younger are not always going to be there. I wish I had a coach who had the guts to sit me down and not play me until I went hard every play but instead I could score points so I was on the floor and rarely taking the challenge of guarding the opposing teams’ best player.

My point is that any who reads this and has hopes of playing college ball needs to learn truly what it takes to get there. You have to be willing to sacrifice time with friends to practice. You have to be willing to give up your summers to be seen by coaches. You have to be willing to learn from other players and never accept the fact that you are good enough. Nobody is good enough and it is that feeling that still drives Kobe Bryant and Lebron James today. My downfall was believing I was good enough to offset any weaknesses I had and I was lying to myself all along. That is my biggest regret of all.

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As a former player I always found it interesting to watch how different coaches would reward us as players. Some coaches rewarded us with less conditioning drills and others with more. Some rewarded us with physical awards and others just with pats on the back or nothing at all. I’m listing my 3 ways to reward players that will cover all the bases.

First, UNDERSTAND WHAT MOTIVATES EACH PLAYER. I’ve talked about this 100 times and I’ll continue to because it’s one of the most important things to do. Take the time to sit down with each player and if you are the player then meet with your coach to let them know what motivates you. If you don’t know then you have a problem. Here’s an example: I’m motivated by negative criticism. I try to turn that around. If a coach were to praise me openly or give me some sort of physical award it wouldn’t do anything for me to get me going. I needed to be told what I was doing wrong instead of praised for the things I was doing right. I’m still like that in my marriage today.

For players who respond to negative criticism understand that they have a need to be challenged and to overcome that challenge. That is the reward. My reward was to overcome what I needed to work on. As a coach make sure another challenge is ready to go once the other one is completed. Acknowledge to the player that they have overcome the challenge but that you have another one waiting. It will act as the reward, trust me. Players, as you read this you will know if this is who you are or not. If you are then talk with your coach and let them know what will work to get you motivated.

Other players respond to positive feedback and they crave being told what they are doing right. These players have a tendency to get down on themselves when they are being told negatives. I’m not saying that a coach should never criticize these players but understand that a player who responds to positive criticism will never get better when they are told how bad they are. Those players tend to curl up into a ball and quit. This isn’t a knock on the mentality of the player at all, it is just something about the nature of each person. These players need to be praised when they are doing something right because it makes them want more. These players are rewarded by the feedback and play harder as a result. These players thrive when they are praised in public and it enhances their self worth. If you are this type of player then talk to your coach about it and establish a relationship of trust. If you don’t tell them they may never know.

Physical rewards do work. Players love to rewarded with trophies or game balls or anything material. As a coach please make sure that the awards are set up for each member of the team to achieve them. Don’t simply establish a ‘high scorer’ award for your team because one person would get it every time. You may have a best defender or best hustler based on some stats, most supportive bench player, etc…anything where each player can feel how much they are valued in the area you need them to be in. Most of coaching is getting players to buy into their roles and rewarding them for doing well in their role is one of the best ways to get them to buy in. Those things stick.

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I’ve been emailed recently about confidence in young players and how a coach can build that up. My first thoughts always go back to my roots growing up and being coached by a different array of personalities. I found the best way to work with young kids is to find the way that best motivates that kid. Here’s an example:

I’m the type of player that thrives on negative feedback or being told that I’m not good enough at something. I take that as a challenge to be better. If a coach is telling me something that I need to work on then I’m going to do whatever I can to get better at it. They can call me names, call my mom names and whatever and I’ll try to prove them wrong.

Other players thrive under positive situations and need to be told constantly all the things they are doing right. Players like this absolutely shrink when they are hammered over and over about negative things. These players tend to quit and 10 years later say lines like “I would’ve played in high school but the coach hated me”. The coach doesn’t hate people, the coach just didn’t know that this player didn’t respond to negative feedback.

I counsel all coaches to take the time to interview each kid and find out what motivates them and how they like to be talked to and then have an open team discussion about it so the team knows that some kids want to be pushed by negatives and others with positives and that you aren’t showing favorites.

As a player that needs confidence building, this will only come from practice and being successful. If you are deficient at something then get better at it. Simply watching and wishing doesn’t make anyone a better player.

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